my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
