Plan B is the new Plan A
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
