I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
