good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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