Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
