There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
