Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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