He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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