all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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