Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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