I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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