so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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