Got a toothbrush?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
