operation have a gay friend backfired
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
