Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
