How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
