I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
