forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
