Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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