the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
