I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
