she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
