I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I just sharted jello shots
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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