I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
