It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
