HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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