Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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