I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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