You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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