i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
