i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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