Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
