i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
