you traded sex for a burrito?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
