When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
