then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
