there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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