when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
