When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
