Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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