dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Randomize
