Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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