called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
