it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
