I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
