This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
