I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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