Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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