if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
