My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
